Between Noise and Clarity (motherhood, neurodivergence)
Rhythm finds its place Between noise and clarity Body learns its truth
There are a few versions of what a typical day in my life looks like. It has changed throughout different periods.
Becoming a mother brought major shifts. A child develops rapidly, and as an autistic person, adjusting to fast-paced changes hasn’t been easy. Sudden transitions can be overwhelming when you’re dealing with autism, ADD, and PMDD.
But right now, we’ve found a fairly stable routine. Our daughter is almost four years old, and I’m no longer in burnout, which helps tremendously.
⸻
Our Family Rhythm
My husband works in a 10-day cycle, with 6 working days spread out as: 2 early shifts, 2 late shifts, and 2 night shifts. Between the late and night shifts, he’s usually home for a whole day, which gives him 6 mornings in the cycle where he can be there for our daughter and I can rest if needed. And honestly, I often need that rest, as I also live with a sleep disorder.
⸻
My Morning Routine
Lately I discovered that starting the day with a shower helps me mentally prepare and feel more motivated. After that, I immediately take my medication and make breakfast with tea. I usually need about an hour for breakfast, as I try to journal during that time too. During days where I am alone with our daughter, I don’t shower but make breakfast and tea, we eat together. When she is done, she plays and I journal.
Then time to get dressed. I often forget a few things (like brushing my hair or brushing my teeth after breakfast). I usually remember to moisturize my face before going downstairs.
⸻
Navigating Executive Function
Because our daughter interrupts often (which is natural), I can lose track of what I was doing or needed to do. I tend to ask or wait for my husband to help me figure it out. This used to be frustrating for him, but now he understands more: my difficulties with executive functioning are part of autism and ADD, not laziness or disinterest.
⸻
Midday Structure
From 1–2 PM we have lunch together. From 2–4 PM is our resting time:
• Our daughter has one hour of screen time and one hour of playing in her room.
• My husband and I use that time to recharge.
If we’re both home, I sometimes go out: bike riding, rollerblading, or visiting the library.
⸻
Late Afternoon & Evening
From 4–7 PM, we spend time outside if the weather allows, or do something creative indoors. Sometimes we go for a drive, visit someone, or get groceries. Dinner is at 6, and our daughter goes to bed at 7.
In general, I just try to be present. For my family, and for myself. I often crochet, read, write, or just sit quietly, waiting to respond or feel what I want (and can) do next.
⸻
A Deeper Layer: Human Design
In 2019 I came across Human Design and discovered I’m a Generator. That means, according to the system, I’m meant to respond to the world rather than initiate and I gain energy when I follow a clear “yes” feeling in my gut.
I had forgotten about this for years and kept wondering why I struggled to “just do things.” Now I realize that my neurodivergent brain plays a big role, but perhaps this Generator idea also adds something. I’m exploring it again to see how it might help me function more naturally.
⸻
Final Thoughts
My days might look simple or even boring from the outside, but I know I’m walking a fine line between overstimulation and understimulation. I’m just trying to put all of this into words with more clarity.
It’s a process of rebuilding, relearning, and accepting how I function, and hopefully, gently expanding from there.
Until, whenever 🐦⬛