Burnout recovery; baby steps
Home is where the cat, plants and books are 💕
When I was living on my own, I had a system that worked. Then I wanted to live together with my now husband, and I had to figure everything out for the two of us.
It was not the first time of me living with a partner. The relationship before my husband was lasting for 2,5 years and I’ve lived for most of that time together with my ex. He already had a house and two cats and was excited for me to move in. We made it work and all was well. A lot of things that I’ve learned during that time living with my ex I took with me in the time I lived on my own.
But with my husband it was more difficult. He can be very set in his ways + thoughts and I am more flexible but I still hold on to certain things because these are just working for me. And it would be me who is the most at home while he is working fulltime. But he just wasn’t really compromising, so I compromised all of my things.
The first place that I found with my husband (2020) it was a very small apartment, 2 moves later and we have a whole house with garden to grow as a family and find community in a small town 💕
Then we had our little one, and everything became different. I would be a stay at home mom for at least the first year, and I really needed that time to figure everything out. How to do things with a little one. Due to my AuDHD brain I even needed much more time, like our little one is now 5 years old and I think our household started really working since last year.
But that is also because for the past 2 years I’ve been in a heavy metal burnout, so my husband did everything; and he still does most of the tasks. So he could do everything how he likes to do it and I let it completely go, so that I could focus on my recovery. Now I’m noticing that I pick up more and more tasks this past year.
At first I only could handle doing the laundry, and I mean just folding everything and putting it away. But lately I find myself unloading and loading the dishwasher more often (almost every day even), cleaning the kitchen, doing the litter box, tidying, doing the bathroom, making lunch for the 3 of us instead of only me and little one, making coffee for husband, and even clearing our garden from weeds from time to time.
And I find myself reflecting more about how I want to organize things and take action steps. It’s very nice for me in this season of life to know that if I’m not well, my husband can pick up the things that are difficult for me.
I hope that one day I can do the whole household again, while being a wife and mom. Or if we do much body doubling and make fun while doing the household together, it’s also okay.
I just try to acknowledge the baby steps I’m making this past year. And I’m happy to see that even though husband and me had a pretty rough start when we started living together, and having our own family and household, that we have found ways that work for us 💕
Until next time, Verity Voron 🐦⬛