Even if the one person is me
Well yes of course I suddenly don’t remember what I was going to write about. A thing that is basically always happening when I make a writing attempt and it freezes me. But writing is helping me so much in many ways.
Yesterday I had group therapy, a whole group of autistics, a true blessing in my life. I’ve been to group therapy in the past but it’s nothing compared to this. The recognition of our experiences makes me feel part of a community. An actual human community, with these people I don’t feel like an alien. I mean, I don’t think it’s wrong to be different, it just hasn’t served me very well in most places and situations and with people.
I honestly like being different, I would like more contrast in daily human life of difference, but it’s just hard to find bc of all the social norms. That’s momentarily just how it is.
Change is both inevitable and necessary, but I don’t believe to force change, rather inspire with kindness and compassion. The thing is, if you’re like that, you have to be weary that people won’t walk all over you. That’s the crux, but we can’t always be conscious of what intentions people have, for me it made me paranoid in the past.
“Those who resemble the fly seek to find evil in every circumstance and are preoccupied with it; they see no good anywhere. But those who resemble the honeybee only see the good in everything they see.”
This is a saying I’ve come across a while ago, it’s from saint Paisios, and it gives me a clear focus. It helps me not be become in an anxious and paranoid state of mind. However, it’s easier said than done when you’re just struggling every day to just try to do very basic things. I’m just constantly in survival mode. And that’s just the theory we were learning and discussing yesterday.
Do you think you are in balance?
Well, no. But I hope to learn how to accommodate myself. And that my loved ones will learn also, because I can change, but my environment also needs to change. Otherwise I will stay in this unbalanced mode and nobody is going to feel in balance then. I mean I’ve been trying to accommodate people all my life but not myself, and who got in burnouts and depression? Me.
But first I need to learn to accommodate myself. By setting realistic boundaries, by being honest about what I truly need. And for now, I truly need to start writing more. And that’s just for me, but I do hope that even one person will read my blog and get something positive or hopeful out of my writings.
Even if the one person is me.
Until, whenever 🐦⬛
#hope #autism