Inner healing journey
I have just started treatment for trauma again for the first time in 12 years.
When I reflect on the past few years, many things have happened. Unfortunately, traumatic experiences as well, and I also realized that I sometimes react in certain ways because I am triggered by a situation, the tone of a voice, or a body posture, even when I am not in a traumatic situation. Sometimes I cannot distinguish properly: is this really happening now, or is this the past?
I do not want to live in the past; I want to be able to rationally see what the situation is and what it requires. But that doesn't work very well when your body retaliates.
One of the things I noticed after this first session is that I am quite good at explaining things. But that is only after I have thought about it for a while and have an understanding of the patterns involved.
According to another therapist I see during relationship therapy, I have good analytical skills.
But that is because I am analyzing all sorts of things all day long. Often these are things from a long time ago; it is a process. Sometimes, after a while, a new layer emerges that belongs to something, and I incorporate that into my analysis. As a result, during therapy sessions, I can generally effectively articulate both the core issue and the surrounding context.
When I am in a therapy session, it often feels as if I have been able to use my brain to its full potential.
However, I haven't quite figured out yet how to apply this on a daily basis. That is the difficult part.
So, right now I am sitting in the library for a moment to organize everything, analyze what I have said, and see if I have any new insights.
And the biggest insight is that when someone asks a question, I can respond in detail so that it is understandable to everyone. But especially to myself. To continue growing as a person, so that I can function better within my own capabilities.
Because as a child I used to observe everyone and everything around me, but it is said that when I would talk, I sounded like I’m a wise one. So I’m embracing that part of me, or I’m going to try; being more silent, observe before judging and sharing when things make more sense and I can see what isn’t working anymore. And asking help to make a plan to do things differently.
Until next time, Verity Voron 🐦⬛