Life update
It’s been more than a few months since my last post, and tbh; I forgot about this blog. Occasionally I thought about it, but the words wouldn’t come. The months have been confusing, I’ve learned that if there is a lot going on in my (inner) life, it takes awhile for me to notice what I feel and what I have experienced. I now know that is due to autism and probably also adhd.
So in these months I have journaled a lot, but more creative journaling with stickers, photos and little bits of daily life and thoughts or plainly copying texts I’ve found that I find interesting or inspiring.
But the past two months, it was extremely hard to journal.
In April I got extremely fatigued, and slept a lot. Then at the end of the month, I started to feel somewhat more energetic and wanted to pick up my life again. But after a few days, I completely collapsed. Got really sick for 2 weeks, being bed bound.. it was really hard for me and my husband, who had to suddenly do everything. He already is used to doing most of the daily things; cleaning our home, getting groceries, bringing our little one to school, put her in bed etc. And that’s because I’m basically disabled. It’s hard, but he was okay with it. But these two weeks I literally couldn’t do anything, and that was real hard on him.
Gladly, I’m doing better currently. Try to pick up daily life again. But the doctor is doing checks, because this is obviously not just mental health.
In the past, I have had these episodes every now and then. And in the past, it was all sort of dumped on me being ‘depressed or anxious’, and got lots of therapy. But I’ve always thought that it’s not just my mental health. Now we’re finally looking into my physical health.
Last year they checked for auto immune; but couldn’t find anything in that area. Now the doctor has given me a temporary diagnosis where they basically say that they can’t place my symptoms yet.
It really weird, because I really don’t want to be sick, but I’m struggling for years with my health, and I’m now at the point where I just really hope they find something physical. So that I and my husband and other loved ones just know what is going on with me. We are already taking into consideration my autisms and adhd, but the amount of crashes I have is just not normal even within autism and adhd. The fatigue and sometimes pains in my body are much deeper than just mentally. But I know, everything is connected, I just strongly feel that my symptoms are really affected due to something physical. And it’s just exhausting.