Safe to feel, safe to heal
I was looking at my notes for inspiration and reflection, and I came across this text I’ve written in oktober 2020. It was about a week before we found out I was pregnant, and this theme was extremely important to me.
Now it’s 4+ years later and the past few months I’ve been pondering about this concept again. I feel inspired to reflect and write about it again.
The theme is being a spaceholder, and in my opinion I did wrote about it in a way that is understandable for an outsider. But if you’re curious about this topic, I will write a more in depth post about what a spaceholder exactly is.
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Do you feel like you’re not being heard? Like you are not safe to truly feel and show your emotions? Do you feel stuck in relationships and don’t feel true connection?
Have you ever heard of the term; spaceholder? It means creating a safe space for yourself and others.
Especially when it comes to intimate relationships, it’s very important both parties feel safe and respected.
People haven’t learned to truly listen, we have learned to react to what’s in front of us. Even if it’s not personal we tend to take it personal. It’s not about being in the spotlight, it’s about feeling safe and heard.
To create true and meaningful connections, you need to start with yourself. How do you show up for you? Do you have a safe space for yourself, do you set your boundaries and honor those boundaries? Do you let people know beforehand what you need, a listening ear or advice? Do you even know how you would feel safe? These are all important things to find out for yourself first before you can create this space for other people.
My first conscious experience of being a spaceholder was at the millionaire mind weekend seminar in 2017. There was an assignment where we needed to find a partner to work with. We needed to talk about a major insight we have gotten this weekend. One was A and one was B. We both got time to share, but the one listening was just there to listen. If the other person would cry, we would just stand there. Completely present, letting the energy flow safely out of the other person. It was such an amazing experience, her emotions started to flow so freely. It was amazing to see how safe she felt.
It is otherworldly when people can just be present when you’re hurting. When they can ask what you need and respect it. That’s true human communion in my opinion.
I believe we could learn this, but only if you’re willing, and for most it is really uncomfortable. Maybe even painful, so we would rather run away from not only our own pain, but also from other peoples pain as well.
True love is sacrifice, and so for the love of people, I sacrifice being stil, but uncomfortable, when someone is hurting. But I’m no saint, so I make mistakes and hurt others when I can’t hold myself and someone else. But I try, and I hope you will too.
Let silence hold you—
tears fall into sacred ground,
hearts bloom when heard whole.
Until, whenever 🐦⬛